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Offended?! Who Me?!

This parasite has been living with me, it shaped how I think, how I feel, and how I look at myself and others. 

So a couple of weeks ago, I was doing Daniel's fast with my church family and one of my goals was God to purge and restore me from EVERYTHING. From my broken past relationships to my broken identity. Welp, God is literally doing that and more. On my way to work, I was praying and worshipping (My car is one of the throne rooms that God dwells lol) and I heard the Lord kept saying "offense". I was like "huh? Offense? What does that have to do with anything Lord?" And He goes on and explained how I've been walking in offense.  And I was like...who me?! lol And I'll bet the Lord's face was like this to my response:  And I really had to sit back and be completely honest with myself and learned that I have been walking in offense. Not for a couple of years...But ever since childhood. This parasite has been living with me, it shaped how I think, how I feel, and how I look at myself and others. It's like a toxic vine, intertwining a living fruitful tree and slowly killing it day by day by constricting or strangling it while giving off its poison. Because I've been hurt, abused, rejected, mistreated, overlooked, and undervalued, etc...I literally built a shield around me to protect myself from others from hurting me or making the wound worse. I looked at everyone who comes my way as if they were an enemy.  It was as if I was holding a gun behind me, loaded and ready for anyone who approaches me. I remembered a couple of encounters I had with people and I immediately came off so rude and shallow. Because I expected them to hurt me. Plus, I wanted to hurt them before they ever get the chance to hurt me. I was trying to protect my heart...or what's left of it.  I was thinking the wall that I have built over the years of my life was nothing but protection, but it was simply a wall of hurt and fear.  But God has shown me that is NOT Him and that is NOT how He created me to be. After all these years of thinking that I was healed, but in certain areas I was, but God wanted to break my walls COMPLETELY DOWN. So I had to do some studying on what offense is. You gotta learn your opponent so you can combat successfully right? Here we go:

So...What is offense?

  •  Annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one's standards or principles.

  • Offense ties with pride and control (DeGraw, 2019).

I've found this awesome website by Kathy DeGraw where she explains how church folks would get offended and how that badly damages the church. She explained the 5 characteristics of Offense:

​1. Entitlement:

The person with offense feels they are owed something. They value what they have in themselves and feel they have worked hard and they deserve to be elevated. When they feel entitled to a position or thing and don't receive it they get offended and rejected.

2. Pride (This is a big one for me):

Prideful people are self-reliant instead of God-reliant. When pride attacks, it doesn't allow us to see the entire picture. Lucifer was prideful and it resulted in his fall. When people are offended, the offense is rooted in pride. Pride makes us fall, however with offense people don't see the fall as a result of their own doing, but they put the blame on others. Some people cannot handle the thought of being wrong and then they feel shameful and unworthy. When a person offers direction or correction to a prideful offensive person, often it is interpreted as I can't do anything right or I messed up again.

3. Unfairness:

People with offense often feel like people like church leaders, love one, family members, friends, and co-workers have treated them unfairly. In a church situation, a  common complaint I hear is that "they didn't value my gifting." People get hurt and build up resentment and bitterness when they are not used in the church. What people don't realize is that there is proper order in a well-structured church and more than likely the person wanted to be used and valued before their time.

4. Respect:

The world has taught us to demand respect, but the Bible has taught us to humble ourselves and serve with love. When offended, what the world has taught us screams in our ears and we cannot hear the quietness of the Lord's voice that says serve with humility.

5. Control:

Offensive people often desire to control the situation. When control and having it my way cannot exist, offensive people get offended and leave the church. There are pastors and leaders who will put up with offensive people in an attempt to usher them into deliverance and manifest the giftings within them. Unfortunately, offensive people think everyone else is wrong and they are the only one who is right. Therefore, when a genuine person comes into their life or is sent by God, they often don't receive them because they don't know how to receive unconditional love, correction, and instruction. People with offense become unteachable in their pursuit to be elevated, entitled and respected. They can't receive the fact that this situation or church will be different from the last encounter they had. They are still elevating themselves and can't believe that someone may have more knowledge or growth in their spiritual walk. They often would rather be argumentative than pursue peace and humility.  How can people assist those caught up in offense? We must love them unconditionally and listen to them. People with offense want to be valued and heard.

So, do you guys catch the drift? Did you identify yourself with any of these characteristics or you think you're just perfect and never get offended? Let's be honest with ourselves. God wants to heal us from the spirit of offense. He wants us to walk out in love and humility instead of walking in bitterness, resentment, being filled with pride and control, and frustration. If you need help with this, as I do, we have to earnestly pray to the Lord to deliver us from it. And that deliverance would probably take time because the spirit of offense has been in your life for so long.  But hey, there is absolutely NOTHING that God can NOT do. He will grace you to be delivered from the spirit of offense and put you around people who is walking out of it as well. Trust and believe in God!

Here is a Challenge that I currently doing to help me with the spirit of offense: Find 10 scriptures (or more) regarding the spirit of offense.  Read it, read it again for understanding, write it down, and apply it into your life.

Here is an example:

"...And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you’ll find. It’s common knowledge that “God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.” 7-10 So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud NO to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet. " [James 4: 6-8 MSG]

So in this scripture, God HATES proud or prideful people. He honors humble people. And in order to live the life of humbleness or humility, I must SUBMIT unto GOD and RESIST the enemy....every, single, day. Which includes dying to my fleshly desires ( premarital sex, lying, being fearful, being anxious, etc.)  and being OBEDIENT to God. 

So take this time now to write out the scriptures, read it for understanding, and APPLY it into your life. A lot of us Christians FAIL to APPLY the scriptures in their life (I was definitely one of them). We would know the scripture by heart or by memory, but do NOT live it out. That is one of the reasons why we fall as Christians. I believe God isn't too impressed to those who know all of the scriptures of the Bible, I believe He honors those who LIVES it wholeheartedly in order to honor and glorify Him. So give it a shot!

Love you guys!

Citation: DeGraw, K. (2019). How to Identify the Spirit of Offense and Move Toward Healing. [online] Charisma Magazine. Available at: [Accessed 8 Feb. 2019].

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